To Helena

The first time I saw her, I knew we were meant to be together. She was the most beautiful thing I ever saw and heard. And the moment I held her in my arms, I knew, I just got to have her.

The perfection of her symmetry, the impeccable melody that we shared, I was simply spellbound…

Sa bawat madilim na yugto ng aking buhay, sa bawat ngiti sa aking mga labi, naroon siya, nakikinig, umaawit, nakayakap…

And now, time has been a cruel friend. As of 1:00pm today, December 26, 2005, My dear friend Helena left me. She broke her bridge (that thing holding the string near the guitar’s body). It was beyond repair. I tried my best to put her back together, but not much can be done. The music she produced was broken.

We shared a couple of songs this morning, the first time after a very very long time. And just as we were about to finish our favorite song, the bridge snapped. Had I used her more often, I would have noticed the significant crack near the bridge. I could have prevented the extensive damage…

The least I can do is to make her look good on her last day. After repairing her bridge, I bought her new strings, the high quality ones. I polished her, even her hard-to-clean machine heads. I neatly placed her near my bed, hoisted in my wall. She is as beautiful as the day I first saw her… and I know I shall never love another guitar again, the way I loved her.

Thank you Helena, for being there, for sharing your music, for being a friend up to your very last day. I’m sorry it ended this way. I know you deserve so much more.



Indeed, a thing of beauty...

Of laziness and resolutions

nothing much... been really lazy...i virtually did nothing, aside from breathing, which i did simply out of need...

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i was asked kung anu ang aking new year's resolution for 2006...hindi ko pa sya napapag-isipan, pro most likely, the list would include:

1. learning to say NO
it's a quadrant 4 sickness... we're natural-born people-pleasers... But this coming year, i'm putting ME first! (sana :) )

2. saving (as suggested by mabel... hehehe)
i used to say "who needs savings at 22???"...but this coming year, i have to admit, I need savings!

3. living a healthy lifestyle (e.g. right kind of food, exercise, enough sleep... etc...)
hhmmnn... easier said than done right? but this coming 2006, with enough time and motivation, i hope to make things right!

4. learn to play the harmonica
i stopped playing my guitar and piano by the time i was in college (a very personal decision) i try to play once in a while, but the interest is no longer there... too many memories. So this coming year, im thinking of learning a new instrument. I actually wanted a saxophone or flute... but the damn thing is way too expensive (not to mention bulky). So i opted to buy a harmonica (a really cheap one) I hope to skillfully play it before 2006 ends.. :)

5. to wake up!!! most important and yet most difficult... yup! got to wake up and smell reality, daydreamer!!!!

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ok... back to laziness.....
zzzzzzzzz........

pasko na? na feel mo ba?!

wow! pasko na pla... pro bakit parang di ko na-feel?
nagawa ko naman lahat... bumili ng gifts, nakatanggap ng gifts, kumain ng sangkatutak (although araw-araw naman ata ako ganito kumain...), nagtext ng christmas messages, nagsimba, tumawag sa kung sino-sino... pro wala pa rin... ilang taon nang ganito... wala na yung "rush" na nakukuha ko nung bata pa ko 'pag pasko na... yung tipong ang saya-saya mo 'pag gising mo... haaayyyy.... siguro nga pambata lang tlaga ang pasko...

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nagdinner / overnight ako with my college barkada. tagal din namin di nagkita. at alam mo kung anung napansin nila sa akin? "Nina, anung nangyari sa iyo? bakit ang babaw mo ata today, anung kinain mo? ang corni ng hirit mo ah?!" waaaaaaaaaaahhhh...... 'nak ng tofu (nagulat din sila sa expession na ito)... pati sa mga expression gaya ng "gagah", "dama", "char" at "feeler", naloka sila..... nagtataka sila kung anu ang epekto sa akin ng company ko ngayon... hahahaha..... na-kwento ko tuloy ng di oras ang mga friends ko sa office... at ang mga jokes nila... hehehe.... di sila makapaniwala na may taong capable na mag-deliver ng "honda", "mitsubishi"...etc...jokes... pati tuloy ang duck joke, nakwento ko... hehehehe.... pati yung kalabasa... hahahhaa.... tawa ako ng tawa, habang sila.... completely lost and oblivious.... nagtataka.... (at medyo natatawa sa tawa ko)
gusto nila makilala ang mga friends ko sa work... di siguro makapanilawa... hehehe....
bwaaaahahhaa.... tawang-tawa pa rin ako... :)

babala: mag-ingat sa mga manyak!

p#$^%#!!!!

ngayong araw, 2 istorya na ng pang-ma-manyak ang aking nabalitaan...
(hindi sa akin ah, sa mga friends ko...)

hay, anu na bang nangyayari sa mundo... hindi naman ganito dati...

para sa lahat ng mga manyak:
pag nabalitaan kong naulit pa yun...p^%@#@ manyak ka... ipapalumpo kita!!!... (wag kang tumawa... di ako nagpapatawa...)
kaguhin mo na lahat ng babae sa mundo, wag lang mga kaibigan ko...

yun lang, i rest my case...

p#$^%#!!!!

It's dark and i am lonely

can't help but cry...
baliw na nga ata ako...
it's the brat in me...

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malamig pla pag wala kang kasama... :(

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suri roomie... pati ikaw nadamay sa kabaliwan ko... :(
isa lang ibig sabihin nyan... close na tyo... hehehe....feeler! hahaha

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"'Coz its dark and I am lonely
Only cause I’ve time to be lonely
And living here is bitter as dying "
--barbie's cradle, It's dark and I am lonely

true...

"We are all the walking wounded, your pain is no worse than everyone else’s."

--jessica zafra

numb

numb: (nm)
adj.

1. Deprived of the power to feel or move normally;
2. Emotionally unresponsive; indifferent

i have no idea if im happy or sad... im just floating... which sucks... hindi ko alam kung anung solusyon dito...
siguro kse masyadong de-metro buhay ko... lahat pinaplano, lahat kinakalkula, lahat dapat nakasulat... kaya nakaka-bore kse expected na. im doing the same things over and over again... and im beginning to think im getting sick of it.
i just dont feel any zest for life anymore. Not that i want to commit suicide or anything as stupid. Pro kung oras ko na ngayong gabi, i'll gladly accept.

malala na ba?!


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Do not be fooled by the absence of tears,
for deep inside this harlequin is a broken face,
a wounded heart, and trampled soul….
-S. Uta

just when i thought today is a sad day...

salamat sa text... napa-ngiti mo ako... :)

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galing tlga ni Wise Guy... galing ng timing.... :)
oo na po... tuloy ang laban!

one of my favorite songs...

someone introduced me to this song when i was in highschool....
i loved it ever since. (hindi dahil dun sa tao ah!)
may poetry in between nung kanta. (yung naka-italic)
the poetry is by e.e. cummings
i think this is his best poem..
di nga ako makapaniwala nung una na sya yung gumawa,
pra ksing ang layo nung iba nyang works.
this was sung by lisa angelle.... cno kamo???
di ko rin sya kilala...
basta ang alam ko lang,
this was used dun sa Beauty and the Beast na series dati...


The First Time I Loved Forever

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

The first time I loved forever was when you whispered my name.
And I knew at once you loved me for the me of who I am.
The first time I loved forever I cast all else aside.
And I bid my heart to follow, be there no more need to hide.

And if wishes and dreams are merely for children, and
if love's a tale for fools,
I'll live the dream with you.

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

For all my life and forever, there's a truth I will always know.
When my world divides and shatters, your love is where I'll go.

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands

Pagod na ko....

How do you fight a battle for someone who thinks the war is over?
Pano mo sasabihin sa isang tao na kaya pa nya, kung ikaw mismo nanghihina na?
How do you save someone from falling kung ang trip nyang gawin ay magpatihulog?
Pano mo pipigilan ang isang taong ayaw magpapigil?

I dont want to care anymore... problem is, i really do...
gaga talaga ako...

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sorry Wise Guy, i think i failed this one.....
next mission please?....