bitches, ties, and creepy replies

As I was sitting idly in my humble little cubicle, my seatmate looks at me weirdly and asks:

Seatmate: "Why are you wearing a tie?" {said as though it's not a question, it's more like saying "who the f*ck ate my lunch?!"}

As much as I'd like to give him a good spanking (not in a "fun" way) and give him a lesson on the equality of men and women, the implications and consequences of machismo and chauvinism in modern society, and more importantly Avril Lavigne's claim to fame, I calmed down my inner bitch and pulled out all the humor I can muster out of me and replied:

Me: "Because I caaaan..."
{for full effect, it must be said in the most retarded way possible, which of course I have successfully mastered...}

Seatmate: Oh... ok... {with a ginormous question mark hanging on his head}

{insert fantastically awkward silence, then background noise of keyboard strokes, and then vultures flying overhead...}

After a few minutes, I just realized that my reply was not as funny as it sounded in my head (I need to stop listening to those little voices)...

Looking back, it was actually kinda creepy...

Lesson learned: unleash your inner bitch... it's better to be bitchy than creepy... :)
(Or better yet...eat your seatmate's lunch without him knowing :) )