kung ikaw ako.... anung gagawin mo???

(17:53:38) nene: nina, gusto mo mag-cebu? hehehe
(17:53:52) ninadl: hehehe....
(17:53:56) ninadl: joke po yan?
(17:53:57) ninadl: :-D
(17:54:00) ninadl: hehehe
(17:54:01) nene: question :p
(17:54:04) ninadl: hehehe
(17:54:12) ninadl: serious question?
(17:54:13) ninadl: hehehe
(17:54:14) nene: yep
(17:54:23) ninadl: ilang araw po?
(17:54:27) ninadl: :)
(17:54:33) nene: like months? :p
(17:54:35) nene: hehehe
(17:54:38) ninadl: waaaaa?
(17:54:40) ninadl: hehehe
(17:54:49) ninadl: 2 months?
(17:54:54) nene: 6 months?
(17:54:57) nene: di pa ako sure.
(17:54:58) ninadl: waaaa....
(17:55:02) ninadl: hehehe
(17:55:10) ninadl: for this project po?
(17:55:11) nene: kasi pag pinakuha ako ng tao, gusto ko sana kilala ko na :)
(17:55:13) nene: nde
(17:55:15) nene: pwlan?
(17:55:27) nene: if long term bt ka sa cebu,
(17:55:42) nene: will try to arrange na maka uwi ka naman free of charge :)
(17:55:54) ninadl: hehehe....
(17:55:58) nene: hss ka ngayon di ba?
(17:56:01) ninadl: yup
(17:56:09) ninadl: ask ko po muna c ate may... :)
(17:56:14) nene: cge
(17:56:16) nene: tnx :)

ang ganda ng palusot no? hehehe... parang batang magtatanong sa nanay kung pwedeng sumama sa fieldtrip... hehehe...

so.... anung gagawin ko? sabi naman sa akin, not sure pa naman daw, just in case lang... but 6 months??? waaaa..... di ko yata kaya yun... :(

on the brighter side, i feel honored that nene wants me to be part of her team... haba ng hair ko db? hehehe... (but then again, i'm thinking, maybe she just wants someone from VSGW... pra pag may bug, madali mahatak... :) )

Manila vs. Okane.... hehehehe......

teka... 6 months, so thats approximately 180 days, so since Cebu-time thats, x 11.8days, so total is 2,124days?????? waaaaa....... (5.8 years?!!!!) :O

bagong wig

hulaan nyo daw kung sino 'tong CUTE na to... :)

Defying nature

Yesterday I’ve decided that enough is enough. Ayoko na. Ayoko ko nang maging kulot. Hehehe…

Pina-rebond ko na ang aking wavy and hard-to-deal-with hair. I patiently waited for 4 hours bago matapos yung rebonding process. I almost fell asleep sa tagal. I’ve never stayed that long inside a salon before, ni sa panaginip, di ko naisip na tatagal ako ng ganun.

Ang dami plang hassles ng pagpapa-rebond… now I have to “maintain” my hair… What?!!! E mag-suklay nga nakakalimutan ko e, “magpakakikay” pa ng hair?!!! Parang trap! Hehehe…

Tanung nga ni gloi kung anung nakain ko at nagpaayos ako ng hair…

Hhhmmnnn…..

Actually, matagal ko na syang napag-isipang gawin, lagi lang akong either tinatamad or busy. Symbolic din cguro na ginawa ko ito nung nag-decide na ako mag-move sa next "phase" ng aking experimento… I’ve proven my point. And it worked! And now it’s time to go back to my old self. The more carefree and kickass version… the highschool-me! Handa ka na ba world?(hahahaa….) Because the real me will be back pretty soon… and this time, I won’t be afraid… this time, I will muster enough guts to be true… this time, I will never lose a friend…. this time, no one will cry.

tech-support til 10pm :)

yan ang current job ko ngayon.... aside from bug fixes and modification requests... suma-sideline pa kong contact-person ng tester namin sa japan.... saya di ba???
oki lang naman sa akin, since malapit lang naman ang apartment, at usually, kapag gabi umuuwi, hinahatid kami ni mang erns hanggang apartment :)
grabeng ka-busy-han ito (mabs grammar... :) )
miss ko na makipag-chikahan over the jabber... ngayon, pagnakikita ko nag-bli-blink yung jabber client ko, hindi na ko excited.... iniisip ko... hay naku, bug na naman.... hehehe.... di tulad dati.... natutuwa ako, kse chika-minute uli.... (hahaha.... tsismosang bata!)
oki lang sa akin ang ganito... pro wag naman tipong all-year-round... hehehe.... once in a while, it's nice to know that im needed... yung tipong ikaw yung tinatanong kung alam mong paganahin yung isang bagay....
it's almost 9pm here.... malapit nang matapos ang stress test ko ng project namin... at so far, wala pa namang problems from japan.... 1 hour to go... :) hopefully pare-pareho kaming makauwi ng maayos... :)

naiyak ako, promise.....

Tonight I Can Write
by Pablo Neruda
(20 love poems and a Song of Despair)

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to a pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

duggie... duggie....

ang bago naming duggie.... c peter... ang pandak na aso... :)

19 kilos?!!!

grabeng excess baggage ito... di ko inakala....
thank God for porters... :)

Happy birthday Che!!! :)

your cake bago sya nadisgrasya.... hehehe... :)

salvation from exile

behold..... the salvation from exile.....


there's a recurring song in my head.... "we're on our way home... we're on our way home.... we're going home..."
(yun lang ang alam kong lyrics dun sa kanta... pro paulit-ulit sya sa utak ko....hehehe....)

Jitse...the aftermath

hay! sa wakas! natapos din ang kalbaryo...
promise, after submitting my exam paper, i felt sooooo free....
no more going home (sa hotel) late at night, feeling guilty kse ndi na naman ako nakapag-aral... (wala kasi tlagang time... promise!!!)
at least ngayon, pwede na kong umuwi without the burden of "stretching" my time. Uwi lang tlaga para matulog!!! wow! ang sarap ng feeling... as in!

pro syempre, somewhere in the dark corners of my head, may worry pa din kung anu ang results ng exam. nasagutan ko naman lahat, pro jitse is one hell of a tricky exam. feeling mo tama, pro depende kase kung pano mo naintindihan yung problem... haaay.... life.
kung di ako pumasa dito, ayoko na tlaga mag-take uli... kakapagod e. the anticipation is just too much... madami na kong pressure from work, ayaw ko na muna dagdagan...
cguro kung di ako papasa, i might think of shifting careers... baka ndi ako meant maging programmer... i dunno, baka sinasabi ko lang ito ngayon... bukas, iba cguro ang iisipin ko... halata bang sabog pa ko....
oh, well, bahala na.... may deadline pa ko today.... :) got to go!

7 days to go!!!

7 days to go and im gonna go home!!!... finally, after "one week"
(Cebu time-spacewarp calculation = Manila day * 11.8 days) hehehee...

im happy it's gonna be over soon.... hindi naman sa badtrip ako at nag-bt kami ng nearly 3 months sa Cebu... actually, im thankful dahil marami akong natutunan, ibang klase tlagang experience ito. Hindi lahat ng tao binibigyan ng ganito pagkakataon. Pro syempre, miss ko na rin tlaga ang family at friends ko.... aaawww... :)

excited na ko... :) hehehe....


simply no place like Manila.... Manila, I'm coming home...

isa sa mga paborito.....

Sonnet 17 : Love
by Pablo Neruda
(Cien Sonetus de Amor, 1960)

(translated by Stephen Topscott)

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms but
carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or
from where. I love you straightforwardly,
without complexities or pride; so I love you
because I know no other way

than this: Where “I” does not exist, nor “You”,
so close that your hand on my chest is my
hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall
asleep.

I'm Pissed!

There are 4 things in life I value the most.

1) God
2) Family
3) Friends
4) Work

They give me purpose, they give me a reason to grow, they shape the person that I am and the person that I want to become. So when someone, especially a friend, screws me over, I get really pissed!

Sa tinagaltagal ko nang nabubuhay, ngayon lang may nang-gago sa akin ng ganito. (At marami akong kilalang gago....) Siguro sasabihin ng iba, ang babaw, pro for a person who values friendship and work ethics as I do, hindi sya basta-basta biro lang…. Pambabastos na sya!

Ganito kse yung kwento:

May ni-report na NCOS bug sa module ko, so syempre, finix ko ng maaga. I need to go home early kse. So around 6:30, nagpaalam na ko sa AM namin. Sabi nya, oki lang daw. Included na yung fix ko sa NCOS release, testing na lang ang kulang. So fine, umuwi na ko. Nakapagpahinga din after a long while at makakapanood ng Myx live with Barbie… Mga around 8:50pm, nag-text ang isang officemate/”friend”. Sabi nya pinapapunta daw ako ng AM namin sa office. So syempre, ako naman, nagpanic… inisip ko baka nag-cause ng bugs yung fix ko… at NCOS release yun, kaya nakakahiya tlaga kung merong bugs. Since nakapambahay na ko, kumuha na ako ng damit pang-alis, tina-try kong tawagan yung officemate/”friend” ko, pro kina-cancel nya. Then nag-text sya… “Joke”…. AAAAHHHH!!!! PUTANG INA!!!!!!!!! (di sana ako magmumura, pro sabi ni isang TUNAY na friend, kelangan ko daw ilabas!) na-bad trip tlaga ako! Sooooo pissed!!!!! Yung parang gusto kong manapak!!!! AS IN!!!!!

Siguro nga pra sa iba, nakakatawa… at mababaw lang… NOT FOR ME!!!! I’ve been a good friend….. Hindi pa hinihingi sa akin, binibigay ko na… handa akong pumatay, all for a friend… ganyan ako… kaya inis na inis ako…Of all the people na pwedeng gumawa sa akin nun, kaibigan ko pa . I TRUSTED him because he was my “friend”, or I atleast thought he was. What the hell was he thinking, toying with my emotions like that???!!! What an ASSHOLE!!!!!!!! ANG KAPAL NG MUKHA!!!!!

And for him, wala lang yun. It was a joke… he never said sorry… (although, even if he did, I wont accept it!)

What if isang araw, nag-text ako sa kanya at sinabi ko na “Uy! Yung anak mo daw, nahulog sa hagdan!”…. sabay text na “Joke lang! Hihihi..” No one in his right mind would do that di ba?! Fine, cge, “work-related” naman yung hirit nya… pro ndi ba sya NAG-ISIP na baka IMPORTANTE pra sa akin yung work?!!! WHAT A FRIEND??!!!!

Para sa akin, friendship, or any relationship for that matter, is like glass… maganda, pro fragile. Pag binasag mo, u can glue it back together…. But it’s just not the same…. May lamat na…

Perhaps in time I can forgive, but NEVER will I forget… ganyan ako… deal with it. I can be the warmest person in the world when it comes to my friends… but I can be a bitch when it comes to people I don’t like. (Although technically, I’ve never been a bitch to anyone…. At least, not that I know of…and up until now… )

Don’t get me wrong, hindi sa tinatapon ko ang lahat ng pinagsamahan namin out of the window…. Ayoko lang masaktan uli… precautionary measure, ika nga. Like a friend once told me, kung alam mong kakainin ka ng wolf, bakit mo pa sya kakaibiganin…. Di ko sya naintindihan nun, pro ngayon, naiintindihan ko na.

Ang mga taong tulad nya ang napapaalala sa akin na wag kang basta-basta magtitiwala… the world is indeed a fucked up place…. Di ka dapat mabait, otherwise, you wont survive.

Gusto ko tlagang ibalik sa dati ang lahat, pro I’d be lying to myself… ito tlaga ang nararamdaman ko…nagpapakatotoo lang ako… masama ba yun???

From now on, he’s just someone I know. Just like any other officemate…. He will never again feel the warmth of my friendship… it’s beyond my control… it’s what I really feel…

he had it coming, I guess….

Ever wonder why there are bad people in the world? I mean, when one thinks about it, we were all created to be intrinsically good. So what happened from the moment we were born up to the time Satan has claimed our hapless souls?
...

Imagine a little girl in anticipation of Christmas… Hoping and praying that Santa Claus will be giving her the gift she always wanted. She’s been a good girl all-year-long, so she can’t think of any reason why Santa won’t give her what she longs for. So Christmas morning she goes down the stairs, then BAM! She looks under the Christmas tree and see NOTHING! The loss of innocence… The realization that the world is fucked-up place and no one can possibly care a damn about her… Santa does not exist… Probably because some other bitter kid has killed him already…
She wakes up the following morning, armed with the knowledge that dreams don’t come true, that fairies don’t exist, and that kindness is nothing more than a mere word used in movies. No, she is not the same person she was yesterday… Without effort and remorse, she has changed…


------------

Do not be fooled by the absence of tears,
for deep inside this harlequin is a broken face,
a wounded heart, and trampled soul….
-Anonymous

Happy 8th Birthday!!! :)

Happy 8th birthday Jas!!!
(note : biological age=23; mental-state age=8 :) )

wow.... ang tanda mo na...peace!
grabe, ang dami plang nagmamahal syo??? kala ko kame-kame lang ang nag-tsa-tsaga! hahah.... joke lang.... :)

di na ko mag-lalagay ng something mushy dito... nakakahiya, baka mabasa ng kung sino.... baka masira image ko... :) basahin mo na lang sulat ko na nakalagay sa scrapbook.... :) speaking of, sana magustuhan mo sya.... pinaghirapan namin yan.... all for u :) [tama na, nag-sta-start nang maging mushy....]

c gloi na lang kausapin mo..... :)

"one week" victim uli?!!!

for the 2nd time... na-biktima muli ako ng "one week"

the first time, sabi nila, one week lang daw kami sa Cebu... Ang pangakong one week... lagpas 2 buwan na (61 days, to be exact...)

at ngayon naman... umuwi na c jas... sabi nila, one week lang, magkikita-kita kami uli.... ang pangakong one week.... naging halos isang buwan...

ang ng tokwa! (or anak ng tofu... kung gusto mong maging sosy...) biktima na naman ako!!!

oh, well, di naman ganun kasama ang loob ko... Cebu has it's perks.....
hirap nga lang kse halos lahat ng friends ko nasa Manila... :(

Day 51: Cebu Exile

Day 51, tuesday...

A bottle a day keeps insanity away......
Been drinking C2 since nagkaroon sa e-diner dito sa Cebu office...
wala lang, trip... feeling ko kse pag napansin nilang ang daming bote dito sa desk ko, ma-re-realize na nila na ang tagal na namin dito... hehehe.... :)

SOOOOO CLOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Matagal ko na dapat itong na-post… hindi ko lang tlga ma-put into words ang naramdaman ko nung time na yun…

September 4, 2005 : Concert ni Kitchie sa SM Cebu. Maaga kami dumating sa venue. Pagdating namin sa venue, nakita namin na may ibang event… Close up something..something… we didn’t care, I mean, who would, right? So umalis kami sandali pra kumain ng early dinner, pra hindi kame gutumin sa concert ni kitchie. After eating, bumalik kame sa venue. Tapos na yung Closeup event, tinatanggal na ang mga upuan, balloons, banners, etc. Naghintay kami sa labas, kala namin pine-prepare na yung place for the Kitchie concert, hanggang naisipan ng isa kong kasama na tignan yung posters na naka-post near the venue. Nakita namin yung poster nung Closeup event…. And guess what?!!!! Special guest ang BARBIE’s cradle…. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing…. Nanlamig ako, nanghina…… DAMN!!!! I was thinking to myself….”No, hindi totoo ‘to….. dissolved na ang band, baka naman lumang poster ito… hindi… hindi … wala c Barbie dito… hindi ko na-miss ang opportunity na makita sya… wala sya dito… wala….noooo..” While in denial, nakita namin ang isang staff ng SM. Tinanong namin kung anu na ang nangyari sa concert ni Kitchie. Sabi nya, postponed daw. Bad trip db?! Pero ito ang pinaka-MASAKIT!!! I asked her kung tlagang pumunta ang Barbie’s cradle to perform sa Closeup event… she said. “yes, they were here, they actually sang 4 songs. Late na nga cla dumating e.” ANAK NG TUPAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! At this point…. Nagdilim na ang paningin ko…. My knees were beginning to fail me…. I could feel the tears about to fall…. I was literally SOOOO CLOSE to seeing her… and I BLEW it!!!! DAMN!!!! Nakakainis….. ang tanga ko tlaga…. Bakit hindi ko kagad na-connect ang Closeup event ke Barbie?!….. GAGA!!! Ewan ko ba kung bakit, pro I was sooo down, ang jologs no?! Ganito nga cguro ang “fanatic”…. like “lunatic”… BALIW!!!!

habang pauwi...bilang pampalubag-loob….. bumili ako ng mocha frap….pro sumakit lang lalamunan ko, depressed pa rin ako…. Sad…. So sad…. Hanggang ngayon, I really feel down…. It would have been nice kung nakita ko sya… :(


--------------
And ive tried different kinds of ice cream
And some made my throat sore
But you were only bliss
So ill visit you in dreams
[Dear Paul, Barbie's Cradle]

“Housekeeping…………”

As of 3:00pm this day, the word “Housekeeping……” has a totally different meaning (“different” by the way, is an understatement!)

Bakit kamo?!

(enter dramatic flashback music, with matching blurred images……)

Before anything else, just a backgrounder…

This is somehow a rule for us… “One shall always be DECENTLY clothed in the presence of the other”. Ang common line sa conversation namin habang nasa sulok ng room si Duckie at ako naman sa “hidden side ay : “Duckie, Are you decent?”

Anyway, balik sa kwento….

Habang nakaupo sa kama ko, busy transferring files, my roommate (na itatago natin sa pangalang Duckie…*wink..*wink) was changing her clothes. Biglang may kumatok….ang sabi “Housekeeping….”. Nagpanic c Duckie, (at medyo inaantok at sabog dahil kakagising lang…) Nasa isip ni Duckie “Hindi ko pwedeng buksan ang pinto pra sabihing mamya na lang sila maglinis, naka-bra at shorts lang ako… aha, c nina!, sya ang dapat magsabi….” And this is where the scary part is…… “Nina, housekeeping, ikaw na ang magbukas ng pinto….” For a good 5 seconds, she was in front of me, wearing what could be classified as a “beach outfit” (if you’re planning to get a good tan, that is….)… Sa part pa lang na sinasabi nya yung name ko, nag-freakout na ko… and somehow, she has no idea why… Yun talaga yung nakakatawang part…. Clueless sya…. HAHAHA…..

After the five-second torture I experienced, nakahalata din ang loka… she carried her clothes in her arms and ran towards her bed. (parang “raid scene” sa isang beerhouse...) Ako naman, pumunta sa may pinto pra kausapin ang housekeeping and to reassure them that the screaming they heard was not part of any slaying… Although all things considered, it might as well be….. Pagpasok ko uli sa kwarto, nakabihis na sya…. Thank God!!!

Hanggang ngayon, natatawa pa din ako pagnaaalala ko… HAHAHA…..

PEACE!!! DUCKIE!!!

Myx Celebrity VJ.... :)

yey!!!

guess what?!! Myx Celebrity VJ c Barbie for the whole september!!! :)

yey!!!! :)

yun lang....

----------

10 days before STEP 1.2 release....
huhuhuh...
OT galore na naman!!!