So many Vaginas, so little time

If there is one thing I regret while watching the Vagina Monologues, it was that I did not count the number of times the word “vagina” was mentioned from the very start of the play. Roel even mentioned he wished he had a clicker just to keep count.

They probably said "vagina" more than I google my own name. (which is A LOT, including the quoted and unquoted variations.)

Most of the lines and stories were brilliant, tragic, witty, and most importantly, true. I guess the best way to impart the play is to share with you the lines I liked from it:

"It sounds like an infection at best, maybe a medical instrument: 'Hurry nurse, bring me the vagina!'"
This was from a group act about society’s disdain for saying the word “Vagina”. I myself feel uneasy typing it here.

"Hair is there for a reason - it's the leaf around the flower, the lawn around the house...You have to love hair in order to love the vagina"
This was part of a woman’s monologue about her hate of shaving her privates. Although it’s funny because of the actress’ delivery, the story is actually quite tragic, as her husband is cheating on her, citing her inability to satisfy him sexually as the reason. (including her refusal to shave her privates).

"He stayed looking for almost an hour as if he were studying a map, observing the moon, staring into my eyes, but it was my vagina."
This was from a dignified elderly woman who never saw her vagina as something that was part of her or that was beautiful. Out of shyness, she doesn’t even say the word “vagina”, but instead forms a “V” with her index and middle finger (like a peace sign) each time she is referring to it. Her view of the vagina changed when as a young woman, she met Bob, who wanted to “see” her, and appreciated how beautiful ALL of her was.

I shall never see the peace sign the same way again…


"What would it wear? An electrical shock device to keep unwanted strangers away."
This was one answer from a woman when asked "if your vagina can wear anything, what would that be?"

“The clitoris is pure in purpose. It is the only organ in the body designed purely for pleasure...It has twice the number of nerves as the penis... why have a handgun when you've got a semi-automatic?”
This was an audio-visual presentation, educating the people about the lady-parts. The gun analogy made the audience really laugh out loud.


"My vagina's angry. It is. It's pissed off. My vagina's furious and it needs to talk."
This was from a woman ranting about tampons and other vaginal products, and her OB-GYN's "cold" equipment, that are all harsh and unworthy of a woman’s vagina.

"She transformed my sorry-ass Coochie Snorcher and raised it into a kind of heaven." [insert heavenly music]
This was from an abused girl who thought her vagina was an abomination, given all the tragedy she went through. But her negative view about her vagina and her sexuality changes after her one-time encounter with her lesbian (and muy caliente!) neighbor. This part is actually acted on stage, although the kiss was obviously fake. This is lesbian scene#1.

"My short skirt believe it or not has nothing to do with you"
This was from a chorus of women in short skirts recounting the reasons they like to wear skirts, which basically sums up to wearing it for themselves and not for anyone else. They strip at the end (not fully, we are still in Singapore, afterall!)

Speaker: "CUNT, say it! CUNT!"
Audience: “CUNT” (very softly)
Speaker: “Ok, first two rows now! Say CUNT!”
Audience: (after much laughter) “CUNT!”
Speaker: “You, sir, please say cunt” (points to a gentleman in the audience)
Gentleman in the audience: “CUNT!” (with much bravado)
Speaker: “Oh! Very good! You owned it, sir!”
This is from an audience interaction where in the speaker reclaims the word “cunt”, and encourages the audience to say the word out loud... VERY FUNNY!

I could no longer remember the other brilliant lines, and also could not find them online.

I also skipped the tragic story of the transgendered woman, and the group of 4 women who received abuse from their husbands. (Just too tragic for my blog.)

There was also a part with shameless product placement. One of the sponsors of the play was Vagisil (a feminine wash, I think). The product was mentioned several times during the part where in the actresses were portraying school girls recounting their first menstrual period while throwing sanitary napkins at the audience (unused ones, of course)

Near the end, there was also a scene depicting the various ways of moaning. This was some sort of “educational workshop” from a lesbian sex worker (who only has women for customers). This is lesbian scene#2. It’s not as hot as #1, but educational, nonetheless. I’m sure the gentlemen in the audience learned a lot from this.

You really have to watch the play in order to appreciate it fully.

If these lines where not enough to convince you, this might change your mind:
On the right side of the stage was a pole, which gives you a pretty good idea why it’s there… (no, not firemen, you silly, naïve children…), it’s a stripper pole!!! :)

Yes, out of nowhere, with no apparent reason, a scantily clad, voluptuous woman pole dances on stage. Oh, boy, did she work that pole like no one’s business!?! It is beyond me why she’s suddenly there doing that, but I am not complaining. I am quite sure NO ONE was. Should there be any complaints, it’s probably that it wasn’t long enough…

I guess that’s it. I really do recommend that you catch this play!

And incase you’re wondering, there’s a total of 18 “vagina”'s in this blog entry.