To Helena

The first time I saw her, I knew we were meant to be together. She was the most beautiful thing I ever saw and heard. And the moment I held her in my arms, I knew, I just got to have her.

The perfection of her symmetry, the impeccable melody that we shared, I was simply spellbound…

Sa bawat madilim na yugto ng aking buhay, sa bawat ngiti sa aking mga labi, naroon siya, nakikinig, umaawit, nakayakap…

And now, time has been a cruel friend. As of 1:00pm today, December 26, 2005, My dear friend Helena left me. She broke her bridge (that thing holding the string near the guitar’s body). It was beyond repair. I tried my best to put her back together, but not much can be done. The music she produced was broken.

We shared a couple of songs this morning, the first time after a very very long time. And just as we were about to finish our favorite song, the bridge snapped. Had I used her more often, I would have noticed the significant crack near the bridge. I could have prevented the extensive damage…

The least I can do is to make her look good on her last day. After repairing her bridge, I bought her new strings, the high quality ones. I polished her, even her hard-to-clean machine heads. I neatly placed her near my bed, hoisted in my wall. She is as beautiful as the day I first saw her… and I know I shall never love another guitar again, the way I loved her.

Thank you Helena, for being there, for sharing your music, for being a friend up to your very last day. I’m sorry it ended this way. I know you deserve so much more.



Indeed, a thing of beauty...

Of laziness and resolutions

nothing much... been really lazy...i virtually did nothing, aside from breathing, which i did simply out of need...

-----

i was asked kung anu ang aking new year's resolution for 2006...hindi ko pa sya napapag-isipan, pro most likely, the list would include:

1. learning to say NO
it's a quadrant 4 sickness... we're natural-born people-pleasers... But this coming year, i'm putting ME first! (sana :) )

2. saving (as suggested by mabel... hehehe)
i used to say "who needs savings at 22???"...but this coming year, i have to admit, I need savings!

3. living a healthy lifestyle (e.g. right kind of food, exercise, enough sleep... etc...)
hhmmnn... easier said than done right? but this coming 2006, with enough time and motivation, i hope to make things right!

4. learn to play the harmonica
i stopped playing my guitar and piano by the time i was in college (a very personal decision) i try to play once in a while, but the interest is no longer there... too many memories. So this coming year, im thinking of learning a new instrument. I actually wanted a saxophone or flute... but the damn thing is way too expensive (not to mention bulky). So i opted to buy a harmonica (a really cheap one) I hope to skillfully play it before 2006 ends.. :)

5. to wake up!!! most important and yet most difficult... yup! got to wake up and smell reality, daydreamer!!!!

----

ok... back to laziness.....
zzzzzzzzz........

pasko na? na feel mo ba?!

wow! pasko na pla... pro bakit parang di ko na-feel?
nagawa ko naman lahat... bumili ng gifts, nakatanggap ng gifts, kumain ng sangkatutak (although araw-araw naman ata ako ganito kumain...), nagtext ng christmas messages, nagsimba, tumawag sa kung sino-sino... pro wala pa rin... ilang taon nang ganito... wala na yung "rush" na nakukuha ko nung bata pa ko 'pag pasko na... yung tipong ang saya-saya mo 'pag gising mo... haaayyyy.... siguro nga pambata lang tlaga ang pasko...

-------------------------------

nagdinner / overnight ako with my college barkada. tagal din namin di nagkita. at alam mo kung anung napansin nila sa akin? "Nina, anung nangyari sa iyo? bakit ang babaw mo ata today, anung kinain mo? ang corni ng hirit mo ah?!" waaaaaaaaaaahhhh...... 'nak ng tofu (nagulat din sila sa expession na ito)... pati sa mga expression gaya ng "gagah", "dama", "char" at "feeler", naloka sila..... nagtataka sila kung anu ang epekto sa akin ng company ko ngayon... hahahaha..... na-kwento ko tuloy ng di oras ang mga friends ko sa office... at ang mga jokes nila... hehehe.... di sila makapaniwala na may taong capable na mag-deliver ng "honda", "mitsubishi"...etc...jokes... pati tuloy ang duck joke, nakwento ko... hehehehe.... pati yung kalabasa... hahahhaa.... tawa ako ng tawa, habang sila.... completely lost and oblivious.... nagtataka.... (at medyo natatawa sa tawa ko)
gusto nila makilala ang mga friends ko sa work... di siguro makapanilawa... hehehe....
bwaaaahahhaa.... tawang-tawa pa rin ako... :)

babala: mag-ingat sa mga manyak!

p#$^%#!!!!

ngayong araw, 2 istorya na ng pang-ma-manyak ang aking nabalitaan...
(hindi sa akin ah, sa mga friends ko...)

hay, anu na bang nangyayari sa mundo... hindi naman ganito dati...

para sa lahat ng mga manyak:
pag nabalitaan kong naulit pa yun...p^%@#@ manyak ka... ipapalumpo kita!!!... (wag kang tumawa... di ako nagpapatawa...)
kaguhin mo na lahat ng babae sa mundo, wag lang mga kaibigan ko...

yun lang, i rest my case...

p#$^%#!!!!

It's dark and i am lonely

can't help but cry...
baliw na nga ata ako...
it's the brat in me...

----

malamig pla pag wala kang kasama... :(

----

suri roomie... pati ikaw nadamay sa kabaliwan ko... :(
isa lang ibig sabihin nyan... close na tyo... hehehe....feeler! hahaha

----

"'Coz its dark and I am lonely
Only cause I’ve time to be lonely
And living here is bitter as dying "
--barbie's cradle, It's dark and I am lonely

true...

"We are all the walking wounded, your pain is no worse than everyone else’s."

--jessica zafra

numb

numb: (nm)
adj.

1. Deprived of the power to feel or move normally;
2. Emotionally unresponsive; indifferent

i have no idea if im happy or sad... im just floating... which sucks... hindi ko alam kung anung solusyon dito...
siguro kse masyadong de-metro buhay ko... lahat pinaplano, lahat kinakalkula, lahat dapat nakasulat... kaya nakaka-bore kse expected na. im doing the same things over and over again... and im beginning to think im getting sick of it.
i just dont feel any zest for life anymore. Not that i want to commit suicide or anything as stupid. Pro kung oras ko na ngayong gabi, i'll gladly accept.

malala na ba?!


------------

Do not be fooled by the absence of tears,
for deep inside this harlequin is a broken face,
a wounded heart, and trampled soul….
-S. Uta

just when i thought today is a sad day...

salamat sa text... napa-ngiti mo ako... :)

---
galing tlga ni Wise Guy... galing ng timing.... :)
oo na po... tuloy ang laban!

one of my favorite songs...

someone introduced me to this song when i was in highschool....
i loved it ever since. (hindi dahil dun sa tao ah!)
may poetry in between nung kanta. (yung naka-italic)
the poetry is by e.e. cummings
i think this is his best poem..
di nga ako makapaniwala nung una na sya yung gumawa,
pra ksing ang layo nung iba nyang works.
this was sung by lisa angelle.... cno kamo???
di ko rin sya kilala...
basta ang alam ko lang,
this was used dun sa Beauty and the Beast na series dati...


The First Time I Loved Forever

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

The first time I loved forever was when you whispered my name.
And I knew at once you loved me for the me of who I am.
The first time I loved forever I cast all else aside.
And I bid my heart to follow, be there no more need to hide.

And if wishes and dreams are merely for children, and
if love's a tale for fools,
I'll live the dream with you.

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

For all my life and forever, there's a truth I will always know.
When my world divides and shatters, your love is where I'll go.

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands

Pagod na ko....

How do you fight a battle for someone who thinks the war is over?
Pano mo sasabihin sa isang tao na kaya pa nya, kung ikaw mismo nanghihina na?
How do you save someone from falling kung ang trip nyang gawin ay magpatihulog?
Pano mo pipigilan ang isang taong ayaw magpapigil?

I dont want to care anymore... problem is, i really do...
gaga talaga ako...

----

sorry Wise Guy, i think i failed this one.....
next mission please?....

Patalastas lang...

translated version, kaya parang medyo sablay ang grammar.
Ganito ang mga gusto kong tula. Simple lang, walang kung anu-anung abubot at salita...
pro tumatagos (hindi sa akin ah! )... hehehe....
pra sa mga baliw na sa pag-ibig.... baka sakaling matauhan.... :)

You, Him, and I
by S. Uta
(As Death Finds a Remedy)

I watched you as you glanced at him.
I walked with you as ran after his steps,
I even carried you in my arms when you can no longer go further.

I broke your fall each time you'd throw yourself at him.
But each time, you still insist on standing up and do the same foolish things,
And each time, I was still there, waiting for your fall.

I cried with you when you did for him.
And in silence, I wept for you,
For I know those tears can never be meant for me.

I do not wish to be him,
For I know he is unworthy of you.
But how I envy him, for you feel that he is.

I love you as you love him,
Perhaps even more.
As your heart beats for him, so does mine for you.

And day by day, as the world spins about,
You run after him and I run after you.
An endless cycle that is doomed to end in tragedy.

Perhaps this is how the world turns,
Propelled by fools like us, who cannot see what they have
And selfishly wish for the things they can’t.

Muntik na!

konti na lang sana, nandyan na sya...
Naramdaman ko sya kagabi... pro nilamon ako ng antok at pagod...
Tama ba itong ginagawa ko?
Gusto ko ba tlagang bumalik sya?

bomba!!!

After the Make a Difference Day activity namin, I decided na dumaan muna sa office to fix some of my stuff. Nagkita kami dun ni mabs. At around 3pm, we decided na lumabas pra kumain. Habang nasa hagdan, nakasalubong namin yung bomb-sniffing dog, syempre kasama yung amo nya. Hindi lang namin pinansin. We should have sensed something…..

Nung pabalik na kame sa office, napansin namin na maraming tao. Hhhmmnnn… anu ito? Shooting ba? Shooting? Sinong artista??? (jologs no?! hahaha…)

Anyway, napagalaman namin na meron daw bomba sa loob ng building, at bawal pumasok sa loob. Damn! Yung wallet at cellphone ko nasa loob! Pati yung ke mabs! Ang laman lang ng bulsa ko is roughly less than 400 pesos. (not bad db?) Medyo naghintay pa kami ng konti, ‘till we decided na malamang matagal pa ito. So pumunta kami sa starbucks, inom muna kami ng kape. Ang labo db? Nagkakagulo na nga ang mga tao, nag-kape pa kame?! Hehehe… Tsaka what if sumabog nga yung building, lahat ng pera ko at valueables ko, pati yung mga gamit at money ni mabs, di na namin makukuha… so basically ang meron lang kme ay yung pera ko sa bulsa at lahat ng contents ng coin purse ni mabs. At ano ang ginawa namin….bumili ng over-priced coffee… ang gagah db? Hehehe…. Wala lang. Feeling kse namin, malamang estudyante lang yung tumawag at nagsabi na may bomba sa building. May exam cguro or something… hay naku… tao nga naman.

Tinawanan pa ko ni mabs nnung sinabi kong buti na lang dala ko sa bulsa ko yung ID ko. Sabi nya “Aanhin natin yan?”…. So after nearly two hours, nag-papapasok na sila ng tao. And guess what…. Nasagot na ang tanong ni Mabs… NO ID, NO ENTRY. Hehehe…. Pumasok na lang ako sa loob pra kunin yung ID ni mabs sa drawer nya…. Hehehe…

(Na hindi naman pla kelangan, basta kilala mo si mang dennis… hehehehe..)

Exciting ng sabado namin no? hehehe….

Mga pics sa aking telepono...

nag-bro-browse ako ng files na nakalagay sa camera fone ko.... then nakita ko itong mga 'to... wala lang... hehehe....















bola-bola ni potpot....


















Duckie, on laundry day :) ....


















yanyan bread stick for jas... wehehehe...


















grumpy bear....


wala lang... hehehe....

Duckie... ang pagbabalik....

Nakuha ko na c duckie sa labahan..... :)


Parang balot:
















tada.......
squeeky-clean duckie....
















hehehe... wala lang....
na-miss ko lang sya...

why?!

warum?
¿por qué?
pourquoi?
perchè?
なぜか.


waaaaaahhhhh!!!!!
why????

bakit ba di tyo pinagtatagpo???

hay naku... minsan ko na nga lang aabutan c barbie na mag-perform sa mga place malapit sa amin.... di pa natuloy!!! hmpf!!!!


NOVEMBER 2005
08 - 'Warner Bar Tour' Dish 9PM
08 - Padi's Point Alabang 11PM
09 - La Salle Taft, 89.9 event 12 noon
11 - SM Makati - Cancelled
11 - New Millenium Evangelical 7PM (private affair)
11 - Hard Rock 9PM
12 - San Jose Occidental Mindoro
13 - Market Market - Cancelled
15 - 'Warner Bar Tour' Saguijo Bar 9PM
15 - Padi's Point Las Piñas - Cancelled
16 - Padi's Point EDSA Central 11PM

A Research on Ice Cream

Ice Cream Makes You Happy? Get Outta Here

Morning Edition, May 4, 2005 · Stop the presses: Ice cream makes you happy. Researchers in England say the chilly treat "lights up" the brain's pleasure zones. The study was funded by Unilever, which makes ice cream. Subjects ate 15 teaspoons of ice cream, while MRI technology watched their brains. Turns out, the orbitofrontal cortex -- the "processing" area of the brain -- responded immediately. And that's just from eating vanilla!

src: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4630326

--------------------------

personally...
i dont believe this crap! No amount of sugar, dairy, or any other sinful pleasure, for that matter, can ever lift a dreary spirit up from unfathomable despair... but true friends can.... char! hehehe....

thanks so much guys....i mean it... :)

failure

type "failure" in googles search textfield.
and the first search result is:


Biography of President George W. BushBiography of the 43rd President of the United States.
www.whitehouse.gov/president/gwbbio.html - 25k - Cached - Similar pages
News - Contact - President - Homeland Security
More results from www.whitehouse.gov »


hehehe... wala lang... naaliw lang... hehehe
makahanap pa nga... hehehe...

kung ikaw ako.... anung gagawin mo???

(17:53:38) nene: nina, gusto mo mag-cebu? hehehe
(17:53:52) ninadl: hehehe....
(17:53:56) ninadl: joke po yan?
(17:53:57) ninadl: :-D
(17:54:00) ninadl: hehehe
(17:54:01) nene: question :p
(17:54:04) ninadl: hehehe
(17:54:12) ninadl: serious question?
(17:54:13) ninadl: hehehe
(17:54:14) nene: yep
(17:54:23) ninadl: ilang araw po?
(17:54:27) ninadl: :)
(17:54:33) nene: like months? :p
(17:54:35) nene: hehehe
(17:54:38) ninadl: waaaaa?
(17:54:40) ninadl: hehehe
(17:54:49) ninadl: 2 months?
(17:54:54) nene: 6 months?
(17:54:57) nene: di pa ako sure.
(17:54:58) ninadl: waaaa....
(17:55:02) ninadl: hehehe
(17:55:10) ninadl: for this project po?
(17:55:11) nene: kasi pag pinakuha ako ng tao, gusto ko sana kilala ko na :)
(17:55:13) nene: nde
(17:55:15) nene: pwlan?
(17:55:27) nene: if long term bt ka sa cebu,
(17:55:42) nene: will try to arrange na maka uwi ka naman free of charge :)
(17:55:54) ninadl: hehehe....
(17:55:58) nene: hss ka ngayon di ba?
(17:56:01) ninadl: yup
(17:56:09) ninadl: ask ko po muna c ate may... :)
(17:56:14) nene: cge
(17:56:16) nene: tnx :)

ang ganda ng palusot no? hehehe... parang batang magtatanong sa nanay kung pwedeng sumama sa fieldtrip... hehehe...

so.... anung gagawin ko? sabi naman sa akin, not sure pa naman daw, just in case lang... but 6 months??? waaaa..... di ko yata kaya yun... :(

on the brighter side, i feel honored that nene wants me to be part of her team... haba ng hair ko db? hehehe... (but then again, i'm thinking, maybe she just wants someone from VSGW... pra pag may bug, madali mahatak... :) )

Manila vs. Okane.... hehehehe......

teka... 6 months, so thats approximately 180 days, so since Cebu-time thats, x 11.8days, so total is 2,124days?????? waaaaa....... (5.8 years?!!!!) :O

bagong wig

hulaan nyo daw kung sino 'tong CUTE na to... :)

Defying nature

Yesterday I’ve decided that enough is enough. Ayoko na. Ayoko ko nang maging kulot. Hehehe…

Pina-rebond ko na ang aking wavy and hard-to-deal-with hair. I patiently waited for 4 hours bago matapos yung rebonding process. I almost fell asleep sa tagal. I’ve never stayed that long inside a salon before, ni sa panaginip, di ko naisip na tatagal ako ng ganun.

Ang dami plang hassles ng pagpapa-rebond… now I have to “maintain” my hair… What?!!! E mag-suklay nga nakakalimutan ko e, “magpakakikay” pa ng hair?!!! Parang trap! Hehehe…

Tanung nga ni gloi kung anung nakain ko at nagpaayos ako ng hair…

Hhhmmnnn…..

Actually, matagal ko na syang napag-isipang gawin, lagi lang akong either tinatamad or busy. Symbolic din cguro na ginawa ko ito nung nag-decide na ako mag-move sa next "phase" ng aking experimento… I’ve proven my point. And it worked! And now it’s time to go back to my old self. The more carefree and kickass version… the highschool-me! Handa ka na ba world?(hahahaa….) Because the real me will be back pretty soon… and this time, I won’t be afraid… this time, I will muster enough guts to be true… this time, I will never lose a friend…. this time, no one will cry.

tech-support til 10pm :)

yan ang current job ko ngayon.... aside from bug fixes and modification requests... suma-sideline pa kong contact-person ng tester namin sa japan.... saya di ba???
oki lang naman sa akin, since malapit lang naman ang apartment, at usually, kapag gabi umuuwi, hinahatid kami ni mang erns hanggang apartment :)
grabeng ka-busy-han ito (mabs grammar... :) )
miss ko na makipag-chikahan over the jabber... ngayon, pagnakikita ko nag-bli-blink yung jabber client ko, hindi na ko excited.... iniisip ko... hay naku, bug na naman.... hehehe.... di tulad dati.... natutuwa ako, kse chika-minute uli.... (hahaha.... tsismosang bata!)
oki lang sa akin ang ganito... pro wag naman tipong all-year-round... hehehe.... once in a while, it's nice to know that im needed... yung tipong ikaw yung tinatanong kung alam mong paganahin yung isang bagay....
it's almost 9pm here.... malapit nang matapos ang stress test ko ng project namin... at so far, wala pa namang problems from japan.... 1 hour to go... :) hopefully pare-pareho kaming makauwi ng maayos... :)

naiyak ako, promise.....

Tonight I Can Write
by Pablo Neruda
(20 love poems and a Song of Despair)

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to a pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

duggie... duggie....

ang bago naming duggie.... c peter... ang pandak na aso... :)

19 kilos?!!!

grabeng excess baggage ito... di ko inakala....
thank God for porters... :)

Happy birthday Che!!! :)

your cake bago sya nadisgrasya.... hehehe... :)

salvation from exile

behold..... the salvation from exile.....


there's a recurring song in my head.... "we're on our way home... we're on our way home.... we're going home..."
(yun lang ang alam kong lyrics dun sa kanta... pro paulit-ulit sya sa utak ko....hehehe....)

Jitse...the aftermath

hay! sa wakas! natapos din ang kalbaryo...
promise, after submitting my exam paper, i felt sooooo free....
no more going home (sa hotel) late at night, feeling guilty kse ndi na naman ako nakapag-aral... (wala kasi tlagang time... promise!!!)
at least ngayon, pwede na kong umuwi without the burden of "stretching" my time. Uwi lang tlaga para matulog!!! wow! ang sarap ng feeling... as in!

pro syempre, somewhere in the dark corners of my head, may worry pa din kung anu ang results ng exam. nasagutan ko naman lahat, pro jitse is one hell of a tricky exam. feeling mo tama, pro depende kase kung pano mo naintindihan yung problem... haaay.... life.
kung di ako pumasa dito, ayoko na tlaga mag-take uli... kakapagod e. the anticipation is just too much... madami na kong pressure from work, ayaw ko na muna dagdagan...
cguro kung di ako papasa, i might think of shifting careers... baka ndi ako meant maging programmer... i dunno, baka sinasabi ko lang ito ngayon... bukas, iba cguro ang iisipin ko... halata bang sabog pa ko....
oh, well, bahala na.... may deadline pa ko today.... :) got to go!

7 days to go!!!

7 days to go and im gonna go home!!!... finally, after "one week"
(Cebu time-spacewarp calculation = Manila day * 11.8 days) hehehee...

im happy it's gonna be over soon.... hindi naman sa badtrip ako at nag-bt kami ng nearly 3 months sa Cebu... actually, im thankful dahil marami akong natutunan, ibang klase tlagang experience ito. Hindi lahat ng tao binibigyan ng ganito pagkakataon. Pro syempre, miss ko na rin tlaga ang family at friends ko.... aaawww... :)

excited na ko... :) hehehe....


simply no place like Manila.... Manila, I'm coming home...

isa sa mga paborito.....

Sonnet 17 : Love
by Pablo Neruda
(Cien Sonetus de Amor, 1960)

(translated by Stephen Topscott)

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms but
carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or
from where. I love you straightforwardly,
without complexities or pride; so I love you
because I know no other way

than this: Where “I” does not exist, nor “You”,
so close that your hand on my chest is my
hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall
asleep.

I'm Pissed!

There are 4 things in life I value the most.

1) God
2) Family
3) Friends
4) Work

They give me purpose, they give me a reason to grow, they shape the person that I am and the person that I want to become. So when someone, especially a friend, screws me over, I get really pissed!

Sa tinagaltagal ko nang nabubuhay, ngayon lang may nang-gago sa akin ng ganito. (At marami akong kilalang gago....) Siguro sasabihin ng iba, ang babaw, pro for a person who values friendship and work ethics as I do, hindi sya basta-basta biro lang…. Pambabastos na sya!

Ganito kse yung kwento:

May ni-report na NCOS bug sa module ko, so syempre, finix ko ng maaga. I need to go home early kse. So around 6:30, nagpaalam na ko sa AM namin. Sabi nya, oki lang daw. Included na yung fix ko sa NCOS release, testing na lang ang kulang. So fine, umuwi na ko. Nakapagpahinga din after a long while at makakapanood ng Myx live with Barbie… Mga around 8:50pm, nag-text ang isang officemate/”friend”. Sabi nya pinapapunta daw ako ng AM namin sa office. So syempre, ako naman, nagpanic… inisip ko baka nag-cause ng bugs yung fix ko… at NCOS release yun, kaya nakakahiya tlaga kung merong bugs. Since nakapambahay na ko, kumuha na ako ng damit pang-alis, tina-try kong tawagan yung officemate/”friend” ko, pro kina-cancel nya. Then nag-text sya… “Joke”…. AAAAHHHH!!!! PUTANG INA!!!!!!!!! (di sana ako magmumura, pro sabi ni isang TUNAY na friend, kelangan ko daw ilabas!) na-bad trip tlaga ako! Sooooo pissed!!!!! Yung parang gusto kong manapak!!!! AS IN!!!!!

Siguro nga pra sa iba, nakakatawa… at mababaw lang… NOT FOR ME!!!! I’ve been a good friend….. Hindi pa hinihingi sa akin, binibigay ko na… handa akong pumatay, all for a friend… ganyan ako… kaya inis na inis ako…Of all the people na pwedeng gumawa sa akin nun, kaibigan ko pa . I TRUSTED him because he was my “friend”, or I atleast thought he was. What the hell was he thinking, toying with my emotions like that???!!! What an ASSHOLE!!!!!!!! ANG KAPAL NG MUKHA!!!!!

And for him, wala lang yun. It was a joke… he never said sorry… (although, even if he did, I wont accept it!)

What if isang araw, nag-text ako sa kanya at sinabi ko na “Uy! Yung anak mo daw, nahulog sa hagdan!”…. sabay text na “Joke lang! Hihihi..” No one in his right mind would do that di ba?! Fine, cge, “work-related” naman yung hirit nya… pro ndi ba sya NAG-ISIP na baka IMPORTANTE pra sa akin yung work?!!! WHAT A FRIEND??!!!!

Para sa akin, friendship, or any relationship for that matter, is like glass… maganda, pro fragile. Pag binasag mo, u can glue it back together…. But it’s just not the same…. May lamat na…

Perhaps in time I can forgive, but NEVER will I forget… ganyan ako… deal with it. I can be the warmest person in the world when it comes to my friends… but I can be a bitch when it comes to people I don’t like. (Although technically, I’ve never been a bitch to anyone…. At least, not that I know of…and up until now… )

Don’t get me wrong, hindi sa tinatapon ko ang lahat ng pinagsamahan namin out of the window…. Ayoko lang masaktan uli… precautionary measure, ika nga. Like a friend once told me, kung alam mong kakainin ka ng wolf, bakit mo pa sya kakaibiganin…. Di ko sya naintindihan nun, pro ngayon, naiintindihan ko na.

Ang mga taong tulad nya ang napapaalala sa akin na wag kang basta-basta magtitiwala… the world is indeed a fucked up place…. Di ka dapat mabait, otherwise, you wont survive.

Gusto ko tlagang ibalik sa dati ang lahat, pro I’d be lying to myself… ito tlaga ang nararamdaman ko…nagpapakatotoo lang ako… masama ba yun???

From now on, he’s just someone I know. Just like any other officemate…. He will never again feel the warmth of my friendship… it’s beyond my control… it’s what I really feel…

he had it coming, I guess….

Ever wonder why there are bad people in the world? I mean, when one thinks about it, we were all created to be intrinsically good. So what happened from the moment we were born up to the time Satan has claimed our hapless souls?
...

Imagine a little girl in anticipation of Christmas… Hoping and praying that Santa Claus will be giving her the gift she always wanted. She’s been a good girl all-year-long, so she can’t think of any reason why Santa won’t give her what she longs for. So Christmas morning she goes down the stairs, then BAM! She looks under the Christmas tree and see NOTHING! The loss of innocence… The realization that the world is fucked-up place and no one can possibly care a damn about her… Santa does not exist… Probably because some other bitter kid has killed him already…
She wakes up the following morning, armed with the knowledge that dreams don’t come true, that fairies don’t exist, and that kindness is nothing more than a mere word used in movies. No, she is not the same person she was yesterday… Without effort and remorse, she has changed…


------------

Do not be fooled by the absence of tears,
for deep inside this harlequin is a broken face,
a wounded heart, and trampled soul….
-Anonymous

Happy 8th Birthday!!! :)

Happy 8th birthday Jas!!!
(note : biological age=23; mental-state age=8 :) )

wow.... ang tanda mo na...peace!
grabe, ang dami plang nagmamahal syo??? kala ko kame-kame lang ang nag-tsa-tsaga! hahah.... joke lang.... :)

di na ko mag-lalagay ng something mushy dito... nakakahiya, baka mabasa ng kung sino.... baka masira image ko... :) basahin mo na lang sulat ko na nakalagay sa scrapbook.... :) speaking of, sana magustuhan mo sya.... pinaghirapan namin yan.... all for u :) [tama na, nag-sta-start nang maging mushy....]

c gloi na lang kausapin mo..... :)

"one week" victim uli?!!!

for the 2nd time... na-biktima muli ako ng "one week"

the first time, sabi nila, one week lang daw kami sa Cebu... Ang pangakong one week... lagpas 2 buwan na (61 days, to be exact...)

at ngayon naman... umuwi na c jas... sabi nila, one week lang, magkikita-kita kami uli.... ang pangakong one week.... naging halos isang buwan...

ang ng tokwa! (or anak ng tofu... kung gusto mong maging sosy...) biktima na naman ako!!!

oh, well, di naman ganun kasama ang loob ko... Cebu has it's perks.....
hirap nga lang kse halos lahat ng friends ko nasa Manila... :(

Day 51: Cebu Exile

Day 51, tuesday...

A bottle a day keeps insanity away......
Been drinking C2 since nagkaroon sa e-diner dito sa Cebu office...
wala lang, trip... feeling ko kse pag napansin nilang ang daming bote dito sa desk ko, ma-re-realize na nila na ang tagal na namin dito... hehehe.... :)

SOOOOO CLOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Matagal ko na dapat itong na-post… hindi ko lang tlga ma-put into words ang naramdaman ko nung time na yun…

September 4, 2005 : Concert ni Kitchie sa SM Cebu. Maaga kami dumating sa venue. Pagdating namin sa venue, nakita namin na may ibang event… Close up something..something… we didn’t care, I mean, who would, right? So umalis kami sandali pra kumain ng early dinner, pra hindi kame gutumin sa concert ni kitchie. After eating, bumalik kame sa venue. Tapos na yung Closeup event, tinatanggal na ang mga upuan, balloons, banners, etc. Naghintay kami sa labas, kala namin pine-prepare na yung place for the Kitchie concert, hanggang naisipan ng isa kong kasama na tignan yung posters na naka-post near the venue. Nakita namin yung poster nung Closeup event…. And guess what?!!!! Special guest ang BARBIE’s cradle…. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing…. Nanlamig ako, nanghina…… DAMN!!!! I was thinking to myself….”No, hindi totoo ‘to….. dissolved na ang band, baka naman lumang poster ito… hindi… hindi … wala c Barbie dito… hindi ko na-miss ang opportunity na makita sya… wala sya dito… wala….noooo..” While in denial, nakita namin ang isang staff ng SM. Tinanong namin kung anu na ang nangyari sa concert ni Kitchie. Sabi nya, postponed daw. Bad trip db?! Pero ito ang pinaka-MASAKIT!!! I asked her kung tlagang pumunta ang Barbie’s cradle to perform sa Closeup event… she said. “yes, they were here, they actually sang 4 songs. Late na nga cla dumating e.” ANAK NG TUPAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! At this point…. Nagdilim na ang paningin ko…. My knees were beginning to fail me…. I could feel the tears about to fall…. I was literally SOOOO CLOSE to seeing her… and I BLEW it!!!! DAMN!!!! Nakakainis….. ang tanga ko tlaga…. Bakit hindi ko kagad na-connect ang Closeup event ke Barbie?!….. GAGA!!! Ewan ko ba kung bakit, pro I was sooo down, ang jologs no?! Ganito nga cguro ang “fanatic”…. like “lunatic”… BALIW!!!!

habang pauwi...bilang pampalubag-loob….. bumili ako ng mocha frap….pro sumakit lang lalamunan ko, depressed pa rin ako…. Sad…. So sad…. Hanggang ngayon, I really feel down…. It would have been nice kung nakita ko sya… :(


--------------
And ive tried different kinds of ice cream
And some made my throat sore
But you were only bliss
So ill visit you in dreams
[Dear Paul, Barbie's Cradle]

“Housekeeping…………”

As of 3:00pm this day, the word “Housekeeping……” has a totally different meaning (“different” by the way, is an understatement!)

Bakit kamo?!

(enter dramatic flashback music, with matching blurred images……)

Before anything else, just a backgrounder…

This is somehow a rule for us… “One shall always be DECENTLY clothed in the presence of the other”. Ang common line sa conversation namin habang nasa sulok ng room si Duckie at ako naman sa “hidden side ay : “Duckie, Are you decent?”

Anyway, balik sa kwento….

Habang nakaupo sa kama ko, busy transferring files, my roommate (na itatago natin sa pangalang Duckie…*wink..*wink) was changing her clothes. Biglang may kumatok….ang sabi “Housekeeping….”. Nagpanic c Duckie, (at medyo inaantok at sabog dahil kakagising lang…) Nasa isip ni Duckie “Hindi ko pwedeng buksan ang pinto pra sabihing mamya na lang sila maglinis, naka-bra at shorts lang ako… aha, c nina!, sya ang dapat magsabi….” And this is where the scary part is…… “Nina, housekeeping, ikaw na ang magbukas ng pinto….” For a good 5 seconds, she was in front of me, wearing what could be classified as a “beach outfit” (if you’re planning to get a good tan, that is….)… Sa part pa lang na sinasabi nya yung name ko, nag-freakout na ko… and somehow, she has no idea why… Yun talaga yung nakakatawang part…. Clueless sya…. HAHAHA…..

After the five-second torture I experienced, nakahalata din ang loka… she carried her clothes in her arms and ran towards her bed. (parang “raid scene” sa isang beerhouse...) Ako naman, pumunta sa may pinto pra kausapin ang housekeeping and to reassure them that the screaming they heard was not part of any slaying… Although all things considered, it might as well be….. Pagpasok ko uli sa kwarto, nakabihis na sya…. Thank God!!!

Hanggang ngayon, natatawa pa din ako pagnaaalala ko… HAHAHA…..

PEACE!!! DUCKIE!!!

Myx Celebrity VJ.... :)

yey!!!

guess what?!! Myx Celebrity VJ c Barbie for the whole september!!! :)

yey!!!! :)

yun lang....

----------

10 days before STEP 1.2 release....
huhuhuh...
OT galore na naman!!!

Day 37: Cebu Exile

Day 37, tuesday....

STILL in Cebu.... extended na naman kame... from July 31, na naging August 31, ngayon naman, September 24.... (that's earliest possible)

waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uwing-uwi na ko...

i never thought i'd say this, pero gusto kong kumain ng gulay!!! yung totoong gulay, di tulad dito na nilubog muna sa mantika bago i-serve... huhuhuhu.... in cebu, pigs grow on trees... they're everywhere... in every possible form... mostly ihaw... cholesterol and cancer combo meal!

------

got a jabber message from melissa, balik-nsp na sya today.

WELCOME BACK ME-ME!!! :P

too bad we are not there in manila to welcome her... :(

------

OT galore na naman 'to... release na bukas...
we have to be on standby for "coming" IT bugs...

-----

my head hurts.... grabe... parang binibiyak!!! grrr... di ko pa dala yung biogesic namin... of all days....

Snoopies........snoppies..... snoopies......

Nyahahahahhaa....
I've collected all 8!!!

salamat ke jas na nag-tsagang kumain sa McDo
ng ilang araw kasama ko.... hehehe.....

What would prompt anyone with a right mind to collect such things???
Aside from the fact that i've been in exile for about 36 days here in Cebu, and have virtually eaten no form of vegetation whatsoever.... wala lang.... GUSTO KO E.... nyaaah!!!

kakasira ng image.... nahahawa na ko ke jas... im starting to make weird sounds... it's scary....

Day 14 : Cebu Exile

Day 14, saturday....

jas is feeling better...
wala na sya lagnat, so nag-OT din sya today.
nag-lunch kame sa e-diner with denden, frank, and carlo.
wala pa cna sally at arlene..... napuyat cguro kahapon...tsk....tsk...

bawal kame mag-OT pag sunday, so bukas, baka punta na lang kame mall....
o kaya tulog buong araw.... :) at syempre... KAIN....

birthday ng pla ni matt today! :) Happy birthday mateo!!!

ok, back to work....

Day 13 : Cebu Exile

Pagkatapos ng ilang araw na eat-all-you-can at unlimited rice…. ang dinner ko lang ngayon ay chicken sandwich ng hotel… :(

It’s 11:25pm…. OT uli (anu bang bago?!) At GUTOM na ko… huhuhuhu…

Need to eat…. Need to sleep….

May sakit si jas. Di sya pumasok today. Tsk..tsk… kawawang bata….

Bangag na ang mga tao dito sa office…

Uwi na kme hotel…. Sa wakas….

BAKET?!!!

word for the day: BAKET???!!!! :(

sabi nila, lahat daw may dahilan.... pero pano kung hindi mo maintindihan yung dahilan?


"BAKET???!!! "

barbie the singles

wooooooohooooooooo!!!!!!
nakabili na ko ng first solo album ni Barbie Almalbis entitled "barbie - the singles".
sooooooooooobrang tuwang-tuwa ako!!!! as in!!!!
I was actually looking for the first album ng Barbie's Cradle. Nagulat na lang ako nung nakita kong na-release na pla yung solo album nya..... hindi kase ako nakakabasa ng email lately from the yahoogroup... (oo, diehard fan ako!!!! may reklamo?! hehehe.... )
at ito pa ang matindi.... meron syang kasamang VCD!!!! woooohooooooooo!!!!!!
sobrang saya ko tlaga! nawala yung antok ko at nagtata-talon ako sa SM(Cebu)
Sana lang makapunta ako sa official album launching pra ma-pa-sign ko lahat ng CD's ko....
Woooooooooohoooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Sa 31…uwi na tyo…”

AM: “sa 31, uwi na tyo sa Manila”

Ako: “Yehey!!!!!”

AM: “August 31!”

Ako: “huh????!!!! Hindi ba july 31?!!!! Nooooo……”

Ako: “Pang-one week lang ang mga damit ko…. Noooooooo…..”

Tsk…tsk…. From 1 week to 1 week and 1 month!!! Huhuhu….

Lahat tlaga ng dala kong gamit, for 1 week lang. Dito na nga ako sa Cebu bumili ng toiletries… di ko na dinala yung kikay basket ko sa Manila, sabi ko kase sa sarili ko, “sus! One week lang naman…” Eto ako ngayon…. Nanunuyot ang skin at lips, nangangati ang ngipin, etc…etc….….. I need my kikay basket!!!

Que: Kitchie Nadal’s Ellipse cologne commercial, “…..Kikay din ako…” (kakasira ng image ‘to)

Pro yung “kikay basket” ko, hindi naman kalandian lang…. NEEDs yun noh!

Anyway, balik sa kwento….

Bibili na lang ako cguro dito ng mga “NEEDs” ko….. bahala ng mag-doble pagbalik ko ng manila. Bibili na rin ako ditto ng damit, pra instant souvenir na rin.

Ok din naman na na-extend kame… atleast may makakasama c jas for another month, especially now na aalis na c gloi…

Plus, syempre yung daily allowance… hehehe….

Naku, mauuna pang bumalik sa Manila yung mga nag-AOTS…. Tsk…tsk… sayang, hindi naming sila ma-we-welcome… hay….

I hate to admit it, pro I miss home… as in family ko… huhuhu….

Miss ko na rin ang Manila office and my NSP-manila friends….

I miss my barkada… dapat pla naka-gimik muna kame bago ako umalis…. Tsk..tsk… patay! Ako ang man-lilibre nito pagbalik ko….tsk..tsk… bilan ko na lang cla ng Otap at danggit…. Hehehe…..

In summation…. TAKE ME HOME!!!! Hehehe… OA ba? hehehe

Cebu?! ...... B?

"Im in Cebu right now.... on BT"..... naks! professional ang dating! hehehehe
so far, masaya naman...... pro syempre may mga na-mi-miss din ako na alam kong sa Manila lang meron.... buti na lang one week lang ako dito...

Fiesta class?!

Instead of economy class, pal decided to call it "fiesta class". It's like saying "no, it's not because you're poor that you are in this section, it's just that u like being cramped- up with a bunch of strangers! Prang fiesta!?!" minus the good food, that is!

And the death toll rises...

Nakapatay n nman ako ng ipis. And guess what, 3 uli. It really comes in thrice! Hehehe... Ang kapal kse ng mukha nila... Ndi n cla s kitchen tumatambay... S kwarto n nmin! Grabe noh?!
Ung unang victim, npansin ko habang nakaupo ako s kama ko. So kinuha ko ung tsinelas ko. Hawak ko n ung tsinelas s kamay ko, couple of inches over the ipis. Matagal syang nkatigil... Ako rin tuloy, npa freeze... Parang western movie... Duel to death ang dating.... Hanggang s natauhan ako..."teka... Ipis to e!" then... PAK!!! One down! Ang dali naman! Parang bonus round o kaya training level ng isang video game! First time kong pumatay ng ipis ng ganong ka-close... Once again, i felt so powerful... Hahaha...
Pag katapos nun, umupo uli ako s kama ko. Ilang seconds lng, may nkita ako s aking peripheral vision... I sensed a disturbance in the force!!! Nak ng... May ipis uli?! So syemre hinabol ko... Iba itong isang ito... Ang bilis tumakbo! So ako nman parang baliw n habol lng ng habol... "go ahead... Run... Run... Maaabutan din kita... Bwaaahahaha" Ngtago sya sulok... Hanggang nkita ko sya uli... This time ang aking weapon of choice ay rolled up cartolina... Pagkatapos nming libutin ang kwarto...Na-corner ko rin sya s may gilid ng pinto... Then... PAK!!! Headshot! One hit did it all! Sa sobrang lakas ng palo ko, nabali ung cartolina. 2 down! Dahil s confidence boost n binigay s akin ng 2kills ko for 2day, naisipan kong icheck kung meron pang ipis s kwarto... Tinignan ko ung mga gilid-gilid... Aba! Meron pa nga! Nahirapan akong patayin tong isang to... Fitting n sya ang aking last kill 2day... Parang last level ng video game... Bida vs big bad bossing... Anyway, Nakita ko sya s gilid ng kama. So inusog ko ung kama... Hawak ko parin ung cartolina, but this time ang paghawak ko s kanya ay parang paghawak ng isang survivor contestant s isang fishing spear... Astig! Balik s kwento...Na tyempohan ko c "bossing ipis"... Pak!!! Aba! Buhay p! S ulo ko tinamaan ha?! Lalo pa atang bumilis kumilos! Ngsumiksik sya s maliit n butas s wall, pro di ko sya tinantanan! Naka lagpas bente yata akong hampas dun s hinayupak n ipis n un! At nka atleast 5 fight locations kame! Akalain mo un! Nkagapang pa s kung sansan! May balak atang mamasyal 2 ha?! O etong syo!!! Pak! Pak! Pak!!! Finally! Napatay ko din!!! Pinagpawisan ako dun ha!! 3 down!

Tale of the tape:
blue corner:
Ninya aka "ipis killer"
6-wins 0-loss 1-draw
age: 22
reach: abot hanggang 1st level ng cabinet sa CR ng apartment
weight: none of your business

red corner:
ipis bossing
0-wins 1-loss 0-draw
age: couple of days
reach: a few millimeters
weight: roughly around 3 paper clips.

Winner by way of knockout : Ninya aka "ipis killer"!!!!!!!!! bwaaaaaahahahaha.......

Series of adjustments #1 : Women in towels

Weird for some na tawagin ko itong “adjustment” . yes, I know, babae din ako, kaya dapat okay lang kung may makikita akong isa pang babae na naka-twalya lang…. Pro seriously, medyo uncomfortable tlaga ako. Siguro dahil puro lalaki ang mga kapatid ko. Kung meron cguro akong makikitang lalaki na naka-twalya lang, wala lang…. So, anu ngayon?! Pro kung babae… ewan… weird tlaga…. Pro im slowly getting used to it… kung ang kasama mo ba naman sa kwarto halos 15mins na naka-towel lang! Hehehe… peace mabs!

.... more series of adjustments to come.... :)

Murder @ Honda street

Since nag-move-in kame ng apartment ni mabs, marami-rami na kaming napapatay…. Na ipis…. Hehehe…..

Nung first few days, si mabs lang ang may lakas ng loob na patayin sila, I,on the otherhand, just sat in one corner, thinking of a peaceful means to end the massacre (in short, I WAS FREAKIN’ SCARED!!!!) But yesterday was a breakthrough! I killed, not one, not two, but THREE!!!! Bwaaaaahahahahahaha….. I feel soooooo powerful….. Hindi naman sa tipong hinu-hunt ko sila… pinapatulan ko lang e yung mga walang pakundangang naglalakad out in the open, yung tipong feeling nya ndi sya ipis! Ang kapal ng mukha db?! O, yan tuloy! Tinapakan sya!

I remember the first time na nakakita ako ng ipis sa apartment. Gabi nun, pagbukas ko ng ilaw sa may kitchen, nandun, 3 sila. Nagtakbuhan cla nung sumigaw ako ng “ipis!” … takot cguro sila sa ipis… who knows?! With those small brains, malay ba nilang ipis sila? Labo ba? Hahahaha…. Labo!

Surprise! Surprise!

Ang tagal ko ng gustong ilagay sa blog ko na pupunta ako ng Cebu, pro di ko malagay, baka kse makita ni gloi at jas (friends assigned in Cebu) Gusto namin kasi silang I-surprise… Pero syempre, dahil nasa Pilipinas tyo, walang simbilis ang tsismis…. Nalaman din nila na pupunta kame. At ang mga loka-loka… napag-isipan pa kaming pag- tripan!?! Sabi ba naman sa amin uuwi na daw sila ng manila this Sunday (same day na pupunta kming Cebu)…..syempre ako naman ‘tong uto-uto na naniwala….. muntik na kong mapasigaw sa cubicle ko….. sa isip-isip ko… “bad trip! Stupid surprise! Dapat sinabi na namin noon pa, pra di muna cla nag-request na umuwi sa manila…. Huhuhuhuhu…”

buti na lang umamin din sila….. at around breaktime, nag-email cla, “Mabuhay, Welcome to Cebu!”…. Muntik na kong maubusan ng dugo! Anak ng!!!!!!!

Note to self: “Surprise surprise pa kse e, yan tuloy, ikaw ang na-surprise! Hhmmpp!”

And the curse strikes once more!

Pupunta akong Cebu…. After staying in the apartment for nearly a week… iiwan ko muna sya. Buti na lang at one week lang ako ng Cebu. Madami pa kasi akong balak gawin sa apartment. Medyo disorganized pa lahat, sobrang busy kse lately.

Anyways, medyo excited na din ako. First time ko kseng magpupunta ng Cebu. At syempre makikita ko na cla jas at gloi! (oi, kung nababasa nyo ito, wag muna kayo ma-touch! May atraso pa kayo!…hehehehe)

good way to end the day… with just a smile!.

On my way home, I decided to take the bus… which was a big mistake… TRAFFIC!!! So habang pissed-off akong naka-upo sa bus… bigla akong napa-ngiti… pinapatugtog kase sa radyo yung “just a smile” ni Barbie Almalbis…
first time kong narinig yung full length version ngayon. Ito yung sa commercial ng close-up yung “u make me feel like I, I feel closer to the sky. When u save the day with just a smile….” (di ko sure yung exact lyrics… :) )
Haaay…. Ewan ko ba… pro I really feel so drawn to Barbie… pag naririnig ko voice nya, prang tumatalon yung heart ko… tipong na-fe-feel ko tlaga yung song pag sya yung kumakanta... (ang korni!!!) – sounds sooo lesbian ba?! Hahahaha…. Hindi noh! Pro cguro kung naging guy ako, malamang stalker na ko ni Barbie… hehehehe….

lessons learned today...

I went out to buy things I’ll be needing before I move in to the apartment…
I was really happy… I feel really independent! As in! indescribable… ang babaw noh?!
Medyo maraming kamalasang nang yari sa akin ngayong araw, pro ok lang din… marami akong natutunan ngayong araw:

1. never wear red if u plan to go to uniwide warehouse…
napagkamalan akong staff ng uniwide…. Apparently, ang uniform pla nila ay plain red shirt. And guess what, I was wearing one too!!!

2. I’m a lousy shopping cart “driver”
I never really shop that much stuff for me to use a shopping cart, I just usually use a basket. Pero kanina, I had to get a shopping cart since medyo malalaki yung mga bibilin ko. I never knew that “driving” one of those things required motor skills beyond what I developed! I almost knocked out a pile of items…twice!!! After a couple of minutes, I kinda got a hang of it…. At the end of the day, I think I just acquired a very valuable skill that i will someday impart on my childen and my children's children....

3. if u plan to shop, never bring something irreplaceable
I made a shopping list to make things easier and faster. I wrote it on my “mini notebook” which also contains things I need to do, reminders, schedule, and more importantly, some jibber-jabber poems I wrote…. Anyway, I placed my mini notebook on top of the shopping cart, and the next thing I knew, It was gone…. Kinabahan ako soooobra…. Baka kse may makabasa… nakakahiya!!! After a few seconds of panic, nakita ko, nahulog lang pla sya sa lower part ng cart…. Ggggrrrr….

4. a shopping list is an open-ended list.
as I said, I made a list pra mas mabilis at wala akong makalimutan. At the same time, it’s a good way of controlling how much money I’ll be spending. But in this case, the 12-item list grew to a 25-item list!!! So much for time and resource management!!!

5. never explore possible routes when carrying tons of stuff
after buying stuff from uniwide, I decided na idaan na cla sa apartment. I never had a chance to explore possible routes to and fro the apartment before… so I realized “hhmmnn…. Tignan ko kaya kung anu-anong pwede kong sakyan….” So, there I was, carrying “timba” w/ matching “tabo” and other stuff… (hahahaha… imagining this makes me really laugh!!!) along edsa cor. Shaw. Damn! Ang bigat pla!!! It took me 30 minutes to realize that!!! So I had it… naghanap na lang ako ng taxi… pro wala kong makita… L whenever I move to another spot, may biglang susulpot na taxi dun sa dati kong pwesto!!! Ggrrr… malas!!! So, confident na kaya ko pa, I took a chance at nag-bus ako, bahala na lumagpas! Once I reached the apartment, my hands were killing me…

Habang nasa bus...

tahimik akong naka-upo sa bus at nakikinig ng mp3 sa cel fone ko. nung tumakbo na ang bus, nagpatugtog ang driver. ok lang, di naman masyadong malakas kaya hindi istorbo sa pakikinig ko ng mp3. maya-maya, may mamang pumipito sa may upuan sa likod ko... ang lakas, as in feeling nya cguro part yung nguso nya sa isang orchestra. nakaka-inis!!! buti kung nasa tono!!! gggrrrr.... bwusit.... mga ilang kanta nya rin yun ginawa... once in a while naman tumitigil sya (at ako naman nagdadasal na sana hindi na sya pumito uli... much to my dismay)
sa maiksing panahong tumahimik si mamang sipol, yung katabi ko naman ang nambwusit... kumanta!!! gggrrr!!! kakainis!!!! ang pinapatugtog sa radio: "you'll be safe here" ng rivermaya. hala, sige, kanta... wala na nga sa tono, mali-mali pa ang lyrics.. "close ur eyes... dis a fear...." WTF!!!! gggrrr.... kakainis na tlaga... at habang nag-co-concert na ang katabi ko, naisipan ni manong sipol na kulang pa ng ingay! sumabay na rin sya!!! P#$@#^$#^!!! sa loob-loob ko, kung di lang masamang pumatay ng tao.... gggrrr.... At cguro na-sense ni God na baka maging mamamatay-tao nga ako..... himalang biglang pinatay ni manong driver ang radio!!! hallelluia!!! MAY HIMALA!!! (o di kaya na-badtrip na rin c manong driver!!) pro feeling ko tlaga nabunutan ako ng tinik.... haaayyy.... ang sarap pakinggan ng ugong ng makina, ng bakal na pinto, at higit sa lahat, ng aking mp3.....

i had 2 choices...

this morning i woke up...
i had 2 choices...
1 - continue sleeping and wait for the time that i'll never wake up
2 - wake up, do my routine, and live my usual humdrum life...

i chose 2...
i guess that's a good start...

but this time in gratitude...

pagpasok ko ng gate, sinalubong ako ng dad ko...
"oh, bakit mugto mata mo? umiyak ka ba?!"
sabi ko, "ah, talaga?! ah, kse natulog ako sa bus" (syempre lie ito!)

mayamaya.... kumatok dad ko sa kwarto, pumasok sya...
sabi nya "bkit? anu problema? trabaho ba?"

di ako sumagot...

sabi nya "pagod ka na ba? kung ayaw mo na, tumigil ka na, di ka namin pipigilan,
alam mo namang di mo kailangang magtrabaho kung ayaw mo..."

sabi ko "ah?! hindi, wala tlaga, promise...."

sabi ng dad ko habang palabas ng kwarto "kung anu man yan, tandaan mo, nandito kami..."

had it been an ordinary day, hihiritan ko sana sya ng "korni mo tlaga, dy!... hehehe"
but this time, i just had to smile...

i, as all others, have been truly blessed...
amidst all sorrows, God always finds a way to comfort a weary soul...
and once again, i just had to cry...
but this time in gratitude...

i hate crying...

haaaay.....
i just had to cry....
and i hate crying especially in public....
but i just couldn't control it....
i guess the sum of all my sorrows surfaced today....
all that pent-up emotions.....
i never realized that i was really that sad, till now...
i guess all this time i was just brainwashing myself.....
drowning myself in laughter,
when I should have been long bloated in a sea of tears….

sad… so sad….

down and out....

gggrrrr.......
am soooo frustrated... disappointed.... pissed....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I remember the boy...

On my way home...
i smelled a stranger's perfume...
couldn't help but remember "someone" who smells exactly the same....
i just had to smile....

------------------

I Remember the Boy
Lea Salonga

Today I heard them play the song again
An old familiar strain from way back when
Ev'ry note and ev'ry line
It's always been a fav'rite song of mine

It used to haunt me so some years ago
Reminds me of the boy I used to know
And although the melody lives on
The mem'ries and the boy are all but gone

And while the song still brings that certain glow
And the words still sing of love I know
It isn't why the way it was before
I remember the boy but I don't remember
the feelings anymore

The promises we made seem easier then
As if we knew our love would never end
But seasons change and time erases the tears
As swiftly as the rivers disappear

So while the song still brings that certain glow
And the words still sing of love I know
It isn't why the way it was before

I remember the boy but I don't remember the feelings
I remember the boy but I don't remember the feelings anymore

It’s easier to laugh

Whenever asked a serious question, my typical answer would be some kind of joke… a desperate move to evade a deep and serious conversation. Why do I keep doing this? Well, I actually don’t do it on purpose… it just happens… I guess I’m just afraid of opening up… of crying…of showing deep emotions, perhaps because I hate it when I feel vulnerable… because i don't want to be perceived as weak.....because sometimes it's just easier to laugh….